1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
