I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
