You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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