thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
