I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I deserve this hangover.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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