how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
