I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize