I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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