hell yes lets make some ravioli
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
