I cockslap morals
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am mentally ready for anal.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
