Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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