I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
