so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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