Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
vagina is talking i cant
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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