Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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