She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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