I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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