he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
