the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is Oprah even human
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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