Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
