yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
