I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
