what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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