Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think my vagina is haunted
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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