yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
