I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
