As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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