I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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