I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
