is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
