I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
thus making me awesome and them whores
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize