This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
