WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
