I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
