So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drunk is not a location!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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