Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
