i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
