i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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