ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
