im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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