Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
