it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
