Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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