I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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