i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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