Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he puts the penis in happiness.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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