I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
