Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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