I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
