On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
