you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
