i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
