it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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