just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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