**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
