Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
