its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i think my cat just said my name.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
