I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
