this beer tastes like vomit already
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Someone came in the potted fern
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
