Will you blow on my dice?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There r osticjed everywhere
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
whose parrot is this?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
