just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
