My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
