fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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