does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
