We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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