I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
