he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
