I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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