I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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