We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
