I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
