maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
