I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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