the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
