I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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