Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
