Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
