Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
