When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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