well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
