I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
