guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
