I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
