You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
