Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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